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NF-Lee's Gildor and Frodo

Sausage Attack: too silly not to post.

Posted on 2008.09.12 at 11:08

Our daughter just returned from seven months away, coming home from across the Pacific via a visit to my sister, who lives in northern California. In addition to a very nice pruner, our daughter brought back a newspaper article for me to read, both courtesy of my sister.

Some of you will have seen this, but here's a scan of the article my sister sent:


Was the burlar planning to grill the man after him giving the a spice rub? If so, why whack the other man with the sausage? Or was this some mystical ritual, known only to those immersed in the ancient healing arts?

Of course, how funny this is depends on the type of sausage used. An Italian sausage wouldn't hurt, but a hard salami could do some damage.

ETA: In a comment down below, telstar_gold gave a link to a follow-up story about the Sausage Attacker. The burglar was not behaving as oddly as the original article's report implied. He was using the spice as a sort of impromptu mace, throwing a powdered seasoning in the man's face when he wake up, not rubbing it on his body while he slept. The other man, who was sleeping out on the porch, did get struck "several times on the face and head with an eight-inch sausage". An impromptu billy club? Go here to read the follow-up report. Thanks, Telstar!

~ Mechtild


shirebound at 2008-09-12 16:35 (UTC) (Link)
California! We're all a bit daft here, you know.

Yay, your daughter's home!
mechtild at 2008-09-12 16:38 (UTC) (Link)
Yes, she's back. Sleeping. Still.

Ah, youth....
primula_baggins at 2008-09-12 17:03 (UTC) (Link)
lol! That's hysterical.
mechtild at 2008-09-12 17:58 (UTC) (Link)
Isn't it a scream? But I wonder if the burglar was actually delusionary or something? It's an awfully strange scenario for a burglary.
(Deleted comment)
mechtild at 2008-09-12 17:57 (UTC) (Link)
Yes, she's home and making omelets and smoothies. She doesn't let the grass grow under a kitchen appliance.

That really *is* weird, isn't it? I wonder what the meaning of it all was? Maybe there will be a follow-up story one day.
Estë   (or ST for short)
este_tangletoes at 2008-09-12 17:41 (UTC) (Link)
Lovely to hear that your daughter is home.

That burglar story is a scream. Imagine using a banger as a weapon *chuckle*.

Enjoy your week-end.


mechtild at 2008-09-12 17:56 (UTC) (Link)
Maybe he meant to offer the fellow a bite? ;)
Jo Ann
yeuxdebleu at 2008-09-12 19:28 (UTC) (Link)
LOL This reminds me of my favorite episode from the old black and white Alfred Hitchcock show on TV years ago. A woman killed her husband by hitting him in the head with a frozen leg of lamb. Then she roasted the lamb and called the police. She served the leg of lamb to the policemen and got away with the murder because the cops couldn't find a murder weapon. *g*
mechtild at 2008-09-12 20:27 (UTC) (Link)
That's *hilarious*!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe the burglar hit the other man with a frozen sausage? But I guess a sausage link isn't big enough to kill anyone. I don't think the burglar in the article could have been booked for "assault with a deadly weapon." Maybe, "assault with a deadly sausage"?

Edited at 2008-09-12 08:27 pm (UTC)
Estelanui - Francesca
estelanui at 2008-09-12 20:54 (UTC) (Link)
LOL! I love that delicatessen superhero: The Sausage Avenger.
Look, I have found his ammunition dump.

Thank for posting, I needed it. :D
mechtild at 2008-09-12 21:20 (UTC) (Link)
Mmmmmmmm. Yum yum! You'd better not leave me in charge of the ammo. It might all be gone by the time he gets back!
melyanna_65 at 2008-09-12 21:00 (UTC) (Link)
I've never read anything sillier! This made me giggle like crazy.

I'm glad your daughter is back!

*hugs you*
mechtild at 2008-09-12 21:22 (UTC) (Link)
Wasn't it funny? I love that the dog destroyed the weapon.

Yes, she's back and already starting her post-holiday fitness program. :)
lijahlover at 2008-09-12 21:34 (UTC) (Link)
OMG How strange is that!
mechtild at 2008-09-12 21:49 (UTC) (Link)
You said it!
telstar_gold at 2008-09-13 00:04 (UTC) (Link)
There are some weird people out there...

I found this follow-up article:
mechtild at 2008-09-13 01:06 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much, Telstar. I'm going to put in an ETA. That has a very different sound to it than saying he rubbed spices over the body of a man while he slept. I wondered if it was some kind of ritual! But he was just using a seasoning as an impromptu mace. I guess the sausage was an impromptu black jack!
aussiepeach at 2008-09-13 03:00 (UTC) (Link)
Did someone say limerick? :D Not up to my usual standard, but am using bro's computer at the moment..

A burglar who loved spices mild
used some when he went a bit wild
he sausaged one victim
but somebody licked him -
he should have called Julia Child.
mechtild at 2008-09-13 04:57 (UTC) (Link)
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Peachy, thank you!!!

I guess we can call that officially a verb now. "Sausage": to beat about the person with a sausage [wurst, banger, etc.]. "I sausage; you sausage; he/she/it sausages; they have sausaged; we are sausaging."

I'll have to tell Este!
alyrthia at 2008-09-13 17:30 (UTC) (Link)
So funny. I'd heard this story, but not the followup. Thank you.

It must be great to have daughter home after so much time!!!
mechtild at 2008-09-13 20:03 (UTC) (Link)
Yes, it's good to have her home. Angelo, our remaining, ultra-needy cat, is basking in all the extra attention. Of course it took her about twenty-four hours to tell us she's bored... ;)
julchen11 at 2008-09-14 13:32 (UTC) (Link)
This is so funny :-) And so is peachie's limerick *snickesr*
I'm glad your daughter is back home, sweetie!
Have a fantastic Sunday!
mechtild at 2008-09-15 01:50 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks, Julchen! It's been a rainy Sunday, but we've been happy enough, never fear. :)
frolijah_fan_54 at 2008-09-14 22:09 (UTC) (Link)
That is VERY wierd!! The cops will be talking about that one for quite a while!!

You must be so excited to have your daughter back home!!
mechtild at 2008-09-15 01:52 (UTC) (Link)
I think this will be used in "intro to policework" over and over again.

Yes, we're excited to have her back. Well, perhaps not "excited"; in a way, it seems like she just left, although it's been seven months. We just have to remember to not waste her time with us, in case she goes away for much longer next time.

Thanks for stopping in, Frolijah Fan!
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