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NF-Lee's Gildor and Frodo

'The One That Got Away' -- The Oscars? Naaah, Jake and Ennis are goin' fishin....

Posted on 2006.03.05 at 22:47
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The Oscars just ended with an upset. And, yes, I was upset. Well, "disappointed." Very. Crash....? 'Best Picture'?

Hrrrmph. *grumble grumble*

I suppose I shouldn't begrudge it, especially since I haven't yet seen Crash. In fact, I have heard only good about it. But my husband and daughter have seen Crash. Although they haven't gone all smooshy over BBM the way I have, they, too, were open-mouthed when Jack Nicholson blurted out the winner. My husband just stood there shaking his head, incredulous.

"Sure, Crash was good," he said, "but it wasn't in nearly the same league as Brokeback Mountain."

To soothe myself, I have made a another Brokeback spoof out of manips, based on a brochure I picked up on our trip to Montana last month. I am calling it....

Jack and Ennis: 'Gone Fishin'

Warnings: Silliness, sexual innuendo.

(Continues from previous spoof, Jack and Ennis Find Montana not Nearly So Repressive as Wyoming....)

Well, things were going real well with the Del Mar Motel. Jack and Ennis were making money hand over fist.

But they missed the wide open spaces, motel work being mostly an indoor affair. Heck, why had they come to Montana, anyhow? To patrol motel corridors and toss out drunken Dwarves making a shambles of the sauna and plugging up the hot tub?


"We should go get ourselves some kind a outdoor operation, Ennis," Jack said, washing down the walls and ceiling of the Honeymoon Suite. Frodo Baggins had been there again, this time with a whole party of guests. What a mess. "This is no kinda work for us," he muttered, hammering the headboard back in place.

Then he paused, looked back at Ennis and said, "Let's go to the mountains! Get us a little business. Be fishin' guides or something."

He stood up so fast the length of chain dangling from the faux-timbered ceiling smacked him beside the eye. The bracket had been pulled clean out. Danged hobbits.

Ennis looked thoughtful, chewing the inside of his cheek.

"Well," he said, giving the chain a good yank (no sense getting into another law suit), "we never did get around to that fishin' we always wanted to do...."

"Yeah! Let's do it, Ennis! We could run guide trout-fishing tours! Woo hoo!" Jack used the handle of the mop as a fishing rod, casting an imaginary line past Ennis's head.

"Gimme that there rod," Ennis said, reeling Jack in.


That's how Jack and Ennis moved to western Montana. Looking for a spread along a trout stream, they heard from a convenience store clerk in Bozeman of a town that was supposed to have a big federal fish hatchery just outside it, up from Yellowstone. A town on the Madison River. Trout-fishing country for sure.

"What's the name of this here town?" they asked.

"Ennis. Ennis, Montana."

Well, that settled it.


Jack and Ennis settled in right away. They had got plenty for their motel. A fat, red-faced man named Barleyman Butterbur bought them out. He was used to hobbits and dwarves and such, he said.

They bought a fishing resort south of Ennis on the Madison, in Cameron, the Slide Inn.* Jack insisted they buy a couple of little stores in town, on account of their names. "They'll be a cushion," he explained when Ennis balked. "In case the fishin' goes to hell one day."

Ennis could see the sense in that. They put the money down.

Here are some ads for the stores they bought, from the Ennis Chamber of Commerce flyer:

"'Full Hook-ups'" Ennis had said to Jack, tapping the ad with his finger. And 'Extra Large Pull-thru,' it says. That should be a real draw for the Del Mar Motel crowd. We can put flyers in the lobby."

Here's an ad for the other store they bought:

Ennis had felt a little funny buying a store that sold women's stuff, but Jack said, no, it would do real well. They could sell clothes for fishing. They could get more women to go on their tours that way, too.

"Hell, women love eatin' trout!" Jack said encouragingly. "Alma loved trout, didn't she, Ennis?"

"She sure did. And why not? Ain't nothin' as good as trout! Rub some spices in good, slick it with oil, and let it sizzle. Ain't no finer eatin'."

~ Not just Alma, but Ennis loved a big, fresh, juicy trout....

Once their fishing-guide business was going strong, it was nothing but trout, trout, trout. Their new life brought them great satisfaction, and a return of the easy companionship they had once enjoyed back on Brokeback, years ago, living life in the great outdoors, unfettered by stifling custom. Gay or straight, men remain men, and so do their concerns.

In the old days, this sort of exchange might have ended in a brawl, but no more. Their mutual ease was so great, no shadow, no need to prevail seemed able to spoil their new-found contentment. Ennis surprised Jack with a new-found spirit of acquiesence.

It was idyllic. But, after several few months, Jack began to worry. Ennis seemed restive. Perhaps they should have stuck to the Motel Del Mar, after all, he brooded, where there was more variety. Just the night before, Ennis had eyed the trout Jack presented to him with less than his usual interest, and tackled it with less than his usual gusto.

Would Ennis remain enamoured of a life so focussed on trout?

Jack kept fishing, but he fretted....

That afternoon, when Jack walked out of the river, Ennis grabbed hold of Jack's trout with such zeal, Jack felt his worries were over.

"I ain't NEVER gonna get sick a your trout, Jack," Ennis rasped, pushing him up against a fishing shack. "Or of the way you look in that itty-bitty bathing suit."

Jack thought Ennis looked pretty good in his bathing suit, too. And told him so. Ah, Jack loved to take Ennis by surprise that way.

Terribly pleased, Ennis's face reddened from the compliment. He charged down the pebbled shingle, splashing into the river.

Jack took Ennis at his word, and went back up to the lodge to get his fishing gear. But, by the time he returned, Ennis was nowhere in sight.

Well, he'd be back, Jack told himself, and cast out his line. Ennis' appetite certainly had revived! Well, Ennis could never resist Jack's trout for long.

In no time at all, Jack had got one, a prize-winner. Dropping his gear, he held it quivering between his hands, looking up and down the shore for Ennis, to show him what a whopper it was.

The shadows were lengthening and still there was no Ennis. He looked at his trout despondently, now limp and lifeless. Perhaps he should just go back up to the resort? He had got a bit chilly, just standing in the river.

He'd go in and put on some clothes, that's what he'd do. Then he'd go out look for Ennis.

Inside the lodge, Jack slipped past the guest lounge, hoping to get by unseen (bathing thongs were not yet an accepted fashion in the Madison Valley). He crept up the private stair, entered their rooms and stood in the bedroom door amazed.

"Where you been?" Ennis inquired, sprawled on the bed, a collection of Annie Proulx short stories lying open, cover side-up on the coverlet.

Jack sputtered.

"You bring your trout?"

Jack hung his head, showing Ennis empty hands. His "whopper" was long gone.

"Aw, that's OK, Jack. I think this here'll be enough for the both of us...."


*The "Slide Inn" is a real resort, and really is in Cameron. Ennis is really called Ennis, and there really is a big federal fish hatchery there. In 1863 gold was found in the area and William Ennis built a homestead on the Madison River. It became the name of the town.

~ Mechtild

Brokeback Mountain Links Page HERE


frazzylou at 2006-03-06 12:27 (UTC) (Link)
Hee hee. Hilarious as always Mech!

Bring your trout! It's like a new catch phrase. *snickers*
mechtild at 2006-03-06 13:56 (UTC) (Link)
Well, you know me.

When I saw those brochures in Montana for the town of Ennis, and saw all those flyers with a gazillion pictures of guys displaying their trouts, I could not resist.
bagma at 2006-03-06 20:13 (UTC) (Link)
It's very funny! The way they wear their hat everywhere...:D
And I know I'll never look at a trout the same way!
mechtild at 2006-03-06 20:33 (UTC) (Link)
It's very funny! The way they wear their hat everywhere...:D

You are right, Bagma. They seem to have a hat at all times.:)

Seriously, though, they rarely did seem to have them off in the films, only in the house. They didn't wear them to bed to bed, of course, but Ennis carried his into Jack's tent, that second night. How Ennis carried that hat, so supplicatingly, almost made that whole scene for me. *sighs for the acting that was not awarded*

Actually, someone could write a treatise on the way the two actors used their hats in the film. They were such important props. How they wore and handled their hats from moment to moment seemed to be like a form of body language, very eloquent, the way Italians are said to use their hands, but perhaps even more nuanced and expressive.
Estë   (or ST for short)
este_tangletoes at 2006-03-07 10:25 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you for giving us this terrific knee-slapper of a post. You have an incredible imagination.

Ain't nothin' as good as trout! Rub some spices in good, slick it with oil, and let it sizzle. Ain't no finer eatin'."

I love the way you put their style of speaking into print. I can hear what it sounds like. Almost as if I were there eavesdropping. *girly giggle*

mechtild at 2006-03-07 14:18 (UTC) (Link)
Oh, Este, you thought it was funny? Whew! I thought it was, too, obviously, but I was beginning to feel embarrassed about it, as though I'd went over the edge into total (instead of partial) tastelessness.

just_ann_now at 2006-03-08 03:11 (UTC) (Link)
There's an Ennis in Texas, too! *excitedly waves brochure*
EL asked, "Did you really want to go to Ennis? Or did you just pick that up for the name?"

I am SO kicking myself for not bringing a camera to Dallas. We saw some amazing sights, not the least of which were the apparent chain of "Condom Sense" shops, and the New Big Wong chinese restaurant. There was a bar too, that had some particularly outrageous name that had us gasping, but the brain has just lost track of it. Must be the delayed disruptive and destructive affects of the Calf Fries.
mechtild at 2006-03-08 04:25 (UTC) (Link)
There's an Ennis in Texas? Perfect! Maybe Lureen campaigned to change the name of the town, in honour of Jack's lover, because she was so broke up hearing about Jack's thwarted love and all. ;)

I loved what you wrote in the small print. "Condom Sense"????? And was it a condom store? And "New Big Wong" restaurant. Oh, choke! "Calf fries"? Were they made of some sort of beef product?

Yes, you really SHOULD have brought that camera!
just_ann_now at 2006-03-08 12:32 (UTC) (Link)
Yes, I think it was a truly noble, and sadly unrecognized gesture on Lureen's part, to recognize the man who kept her husband from pestering her so she could concentrate on making lots of money brought such joy into her husband's life, even though their time together was so brief.

"Calf fries" are made of the part of the bull that is left over when he becomes a steer. I'm not good at walking away from dares, even implied ones; fortunately EL's dares have not strayed into the realm of drug use or group sex with biker gangs. So far.
mechtild at 2006-03-08 13:47 (UTC) (Link)
In the bar....
"So, what do you do, Ennis Del Mar?"
Ennis: "Well, today, I been castratin' calves."

(Or some lines like that. You'd think I'd have it memorized by now.)

Maybe they keep a bucket on ice to hold them before they are made into fries....?

So, were calf fries tasty? Crunchable? Or sort of blah? Or just plain nasty-tasting?
just_ann_now at 2006-03-08 14:00 (UTC) (Link)
Actually, Ennis said, "I've been castratin' cows" which made both of us shake with laughter; if he hasn't figured out the difference between a bull and cow he should just stick with sheep.

They were battered and deep fried and served with country gravy. You could fool yourself into thinking you were nibbling on chicken fried steak, until you started to think about the spongy texture.
mechtild at 2006-03-08 16:32 (UTC) (Link)
"Castratin' cows?" Are you sure? I suppose I made 'cows' into 'calves' out of Ennis's characteristic mumble, because I alread knew that male cattle were castrated as calves, not when they were grown (bulls).

Hmmmm. "Spongy texture." Sounds like hush puppies that have been left too long in the warming tray.

P.S. I should say, since I was humorous at Lureen's expense, that my take on Ann Hathaway's Lureen was that she really did love Jack. I always get a little weepy during her telephone speech which I think Hathaway delivered brilliantly and was shot brilliantly. And I sympathized with her attempts to use humour to get herself past things that angered her. (The humour didn't work, of course, in the long run, but at least she made some sort of effort to better live with how things were going in her life, not just stew in fury.) I interpreted her pouring her time into the business as not the cause of Jack's failure to "pester her," but the result of it. She was played as a really active, go-getter person, sopmeone who would expect her man to be be a go-getter, too. Perhaps she saw bullrider-Jack as one (he had had a great ride at that rodeo). Certainly she saw him as a really attractive man whom she wanted to be a go-getter towards her, which he turned out not to be.

It was a shame her father was such an obtrusive, clueless boor. He did more than Jack's orientation to spoil their marraiage by far, I would say.
just_ann_now at 2006-03-08 23:19 (UTC) (Link)
Yes, we are being a bit hard on both Lureen, and Ann Hathaway. She had the Texas Steel Woman down marvelously; with just that tiny whimper to betray her shock and pain, that Jack was not just a cruising pervert (sorry Jack! but it had to be said) but a man who had inspired fierce love and loyalty, despite the painful realities of the relationship. Lureen knew exactly how Jack died, and why; but her community/society rallied around her to give her a lie she and her family could live with.

He did more than Jack's orientation to spoil their marraiage by far, I would say.

That's why I always laugh at the argument that gay marriage will destroy the institution of marriage, when so many heterosexual marriages are doing such a good job of that already.

mechtild at 2006-03-09 02:00 (UTC) (Link)
He did more than Jack's orientation to spoil their marraiage by far, I would say.

Do you mean, because one needn't be gay to have awful, destructive in-laws?


casey28 at 2006-03-14 01:54 (UTC) (Link)
That was very funny! I see that Jack and Ennis would have a very good time in Montana. I hope you'll continue to make more of these.

Have you seen this article? It explains very clearly why Brokeback Mountain lost to Crash.


mechtild at 2006-03-14 03:34 (UTC) (Link)
WOW, Casey, thanks so much! I wrote a whine after this comedy post, complaining about bad "sore loser" behaviour about the Oscar loss. Yes, I was dying for BBM to win. Heck, I was CERTAIN it would win, just like a lot of people who'd seen it sweep the opposition aside for months and months. But the articles (including Turan's and Annie Proulx's essay on being at the Oscar's) sounded defensive, emotions, and/or bitter. I felt they did little to promote the cause, the articles sounding like a lot of pouty excuse-making. I said, I would have loved to have seen a rebuttal, but a well-reasoned one, one that presented evidence and discussed it in a way that anyone could appreciate, not just a die-hard fan.

This article is IT. I am going to post it in my LJ in full, just so that I'll always know where to find it. Again, thanks so much!
casey28 at 2006-03-16 05:55 (UTC) (Link)
You're welcome! I'm happy that you found the article so insighful. I liked how it was well thought out, as opposed to being just an emotional response to the situation. :)
mechtild at 2006-03-16 12:30 (UTC) (Link)
That was my response exactly. I posted it with a little bit of comment, plus I added a few quotes from an Entertainment Weekly article I found, which seemed to complement what Michael Jensen said on AfterElton.com.

Again, thanks so much. Now I feel my "file" is more complete.
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