Mechtild (mechtild) wrote,

The Joys of a Phallic-eye View: The Story of Wormie

[I just wrote an email to Ariel, telling her about this morning's bit of comedy. I decided to share it here.]

Ah, the unexpected rewards of a trip to the neighbourhood grocery store...!

I was running out for more soft foods this morning for our 17 year-old daughter (she had her four wisdom teeth out yesterday). As I got near the entry I stopped in my tracks as something caught my eye through the reflections of the display window. I saw what looked like a tray of full of little erections, miniature penises; flesh-coloured, complete with pronounced wedge-shaped heads and a graceful curve as they stretched upwards, as if in expectation of the random strokes of passers-by.

"What the ..." I asked myself. Were they some sort of exotic mushrooms???? I must go in and look at once!

Inside, I found them in the store's tiny garden department, just on the other side of the front window. From the front view, I saw that they each had little faces painted on them. They were terra cotta figurines of worms meant to be inserted into the soil of house plants, to register when a plant needed more water.

I was gazing at a tray full of "Wormie the Water Sensor"s.


I'll bet the design team laughed themselves silly producing these things and writing the copy.

"Insert to check for presence of moisture," *snort*

So that you all could see what I saw, I looked them up on the internet. Here is what I saw out of the corner of my eye as I passed the window....

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My jaw dropped. Then I blinked and stared as my eyes gloated over a whole tray of them:

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Inside the store, I saw they were meant to be seen this way:

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Still, I could barely control my laughter as I stared at the dozen or so little phallic bits of terra cotta, made even funnier with the faces. I kept imagining a real person with a face painted on his member; imagine unzipping a pair of pants to see springing out such a spectacle. "Have a nice day," indeed!

On the net, I found that "Wormie" came in a variety of shapes and sizes. (I felt as though I were looking at a kinky "adult products" site!)

Here are some of them:

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There. Aren't they cuuuuute?

The product of my e-search that most made me laugh is posted below. I had been having an email discussion about (what else?) penises with Ariel and whether there was such a thing as "too big." I related the tale a very funny gay friend of mine told about picking up a man at the baths in NYC. Apparently, the date had turned out to be so enormous, once fully erect, my friend had to disappoint his lover of the night.

"It was so big," said he, "I just had to stick a hat on it and talk to it."

You may imagine my hilarity when I opened a garden products site and saw this specialty assortment of "Wormies":

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Just imagine all the scenarios ....!

Sam: "What are you fixin' to do with that there Wormie I just put in the philodendron, Mr. Frodo?"

Frodo: "Oh, I thought I'd go check a few moisture levels...."

I really think I will have to buy one and use it to create interesting dioramas with Action-Figure Frodo et al.

(Just so you'll know I am not the ONLY person afflicted with a "phallic eye," in the same search I found "Wormie the Water Sensor" snickered over by several others. Hrrmph!)

Well, bye for now,

~ Mechtild

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Tags: humour

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