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NF-Lee's Gildor and Frodo

The Joys of a Phallic-eye View: The Story of Wormie

Posted on 2005.07.13 at 13:18
[I just wrote an email to Ariel, telling her about this morning's bit of comedy. I decided to share it here.]

Ah, the unexpected rewards of a trip to the neighbourhood grocery store...!

I was running out for more soft foods this morning for our 17 year-old daughter (she had her four wisdom teeth out yesterday). As I got near the entry I stopped in my tracks as something caught my eye through the reflections of the display window. I saw what looked like a tray of full of little erections, miniature penises; flesh-coloured, complete with pronounced wedge-shaped heads and a graceful curve as they stretched upwards, as if in expectation of the random strokes of passers-by.

"What the ..." I asked myself. Were they some sort of exotic mushrooms???? I must go in and look at once!

Inside, I found them in the store's tiny garden department, just on the other side of the front window. From the front view, I saw that they each had little faces painted on them. They were terra cotta figurines of worms meant to be inserted into the soil of house plants, to register when a plant needed more water.

I was gazing at a tray full of "Wormie the Water Sensor"s.


I'll bet the design team laughed themselves silly producing these things and writing the copy.

"Insert to check for presence of moisture," *snort*

So that you all could see what I saw, I looked them up on the internet. Here is what I saw out of the corner of my eye as I passed the window....

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My jaw dropped. Then I blinked and stared as my eyes gloated over a whole tray of them:

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Inside the store, I saw they were meant to be seen this way:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Still, I could barely control my laughter as I stared at the dozen or so little phallic bits of terra cotta, made even funnier with the faces. I kept imagining a real person with a face painted on his member; imagine unzipping a pair of pants to see springing out such a spectacle. "Have a nice day," indeed!

On the net, I found that "Wormie" came in a variety of shapes and sizes. (I felt as though I were looking at a kinky "adult products" site!)

Here are some of them:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

There. Aren't they cuuuuute?

The product of my e-search that most made me laugh is posted below. I had been having an email discussion about (what else?) penises with Ariel and whether there was such a thing as "too big." I related the tale a very funny gay friend of mine told about picking up a man at the baths in NYC. Apparently, the date had turned out to be so enormous, once fully erect, my friend had to disappoint his lover of the night.

"It was so big," said he, "I just had to stick a hat on it and talk to it."

You may imagine my hilarity when I opened a garden products site and saw this specialty assortment of "Wormies":

Image hosted by Photobucket.com


Just imagine all the scenarios ....!

Sam: "What are you fixin' to do with that there Wormie I just put in the philodendron, Mr. Frodo?"

Frodo: "Oh, I thought I'd go check a few moisture levels...."

I really think I will have to buy one and use it to create interesting dioramas with Action-Figure Frodo et al.

(Just so you'll know I am not the ONLY person afflicted with a "phallic eye," in the same search I found "Wormie the Water Sensor" snickered over by several others. Hrrmph!)

Well, bye for now,

~ Mechtild

Image hosted by Photobucket.com


lembas_junkie at 2005-07-13 19:58 (UTC) (Link)

Worms keep the soil tilled, don't ya know! ;)

Those are hilarious!!! :D
maeglian at 2005-07-13 22:25 (UTC) (Link)
(((Mechtild))) I needed a big old honking laugh and you've just provided it. THANK YOU!

You've got an infallible eye for phallic likenesses - but REALLY! -This is just over the top - I agree the design team must have had more fun than was good for them. :-D
mechtild at 2005-07-13 23:10 (UTC) (Link)
Tsk, Lembas! "Worms keep the soil tilled," indeed. *snicker snicker* This product is going to have me thinking very differently of worms. I had always thought of them as essentially limp and floppy. "I am no man, but a mere worm." That sort of thing.

But "Wormie" the Erect Worm has changed all that for ever.

Maeglian, I am so happy I was able to make you laugh. They really are a stitch, aren't they? I'd post them in The Harem, but they really are too graphic to pass the mods, I think. But what fun we could have with all the innuendo.

"Is that a water sensor in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?"

"Is that a water sensor in my pants, or are you checking for moisture?"

Or ... I know! We could portray Frodo as a castaway on a desert island, shipwrecked before he ever gets to Tol Eressea! Remember Tom Hanks being so lonely in Castaway that he drew a face on a soccer ball and called it "Wilson," just for the company? Well, Frodo could draw a little face, too.

What could he call it, though, besides "Dick" or "Johnson"?

~ Mechtild
(Deleted comment)
mechtild at 2005-07-14 00:06 (UTC) (Link)
Oh, Maeglian,thanks for that link. No, I had never heard of it.

I laughed so hard over the logo for the "Brazilian Institute for Oriental Studies" my husband had to come into the house (he's finishing up garden project)to see what was going on!

"Robin"? Is Robin a phallic euphemism? I didn't even know! Some education I received. Hmmph!

~ Mechtild

mechtild at 2005-07-14 00:08 (UTC) (Link)
Well, that's weird, Maeglian. I got your comment via email as if it were posted here and it's not here! *scratches head*

And your link was so great!
(Anonymous) at 2005-07-14 01:58 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, Mechtild - I needed a laugh today too. I'll admit I was a little taken aback when I opened your LJ and saw a proliferation of penises! :D

Welcome back.
mechtild at 2005-07-14 02:11 (UTC) (Link)
Scarlet! How lovely to see your post! I'm so glad I could give you a laugh. Warm greetings to you; very warm, since it is the middle of winter where you live.

((((hugs)))) Mechtild
just_ann_now at 2005-07-14 02:10 (UTC) (Link)
I kept imagining a real person with a face painted on his member...

When I worked with the state legislature, I learned that the proper term for elected persons (members of the Senate, or the House of Delegates) was "member". Now I laugh myself silly whenever I see that term being used, thinking of the straight faces we had to fight to maintain.
mechtild at 2005-07-14 02:14 (UTC) (Link)
Oh, Ann. Isn't it funny? I always think of that, too. I can never use "member" for penis, except to be humorous. I even giggle looking at reserved parking places that say, "For members only."

All that space for just one member?
frazzylou at 2005-07-14 14:27 (UTC) (Link)
Gah, stop stop! I'm going to fall off my chair in a minute! I must admit, I too was slightly puzzled when I first saw this entry. Now I can't stop giggling! I loved the picture of them with hats on. And I thought my Meercat ornament was bad enough.

Perhaps that parking space is for the man in the baths? -_^
mechtild at 2005-07-14 15:21 (UTC) (Link)
Aquila, you wrote:

Perhaps that parking space is for the man in the baths? -_^

HA HA HA HA HA! That was great! You made my morning.
breelee10 at 2005-07-15 01:39 (UTC) (Link)

Ah yes

It's so nice to see the real Mech free to say what she wants outside of TORC! I've gotta say, those little buggers would have thrown me off while window shopping!

Well, anyway, just wanted to say hello! :)

~Bree (aka Bree379 fellow swooner extraordinaire)
mechtild at 2005-07-15 03:27 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Ah yes

Bree, schnookums! I hope you are enjoying a little time off from school during the summer.

Did you know that Lady Wendy and Lembas Junkie have gone LJ? So did Aquila from the Frodo thread, but you may not know her.

Their links are in the TORc thread. Or, if you see one their replies in here, their names in their posts are their links. Or, just look in the "Friends" list -- I think there's a "Friends" button on the top menu bar; for sure, it's on the bottom of my "User Info" page; you can just click their links there. I don't think you will get any "notification of reply" messages in your emails, unfortunately. You only get those if you are a registered user. An LJ is free, by the way. I mainly registered so that when I went to post in someone else's LJ, I would get a message telling me of any return comments. But I've enjoyed making journal entries, now that I have registered.

I'm glad you liked the "Wormies." I think they are a scream, but I would never put one in a pot of flowers. They really are far too indecent-looking to have in a PG-13 rated home! *grin*

~ Mechtild
breelee10 at 2005-07-15 15:16 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Ah yes

:) Actually... I am registered! A friend of mine wanted me to see something that was in her lj, but it was for "friends only" so she made me register. Then, lo and behold, I decided to take advantage of the email I got from you saying you were on lj, and there you were! Now I need to go hunt down the rest of the Frodo-philes. I also need to pop into our TORC thread! Unfortunately, there's been no rest this summer as I decided to take on two summer school classes and a full time job (going for that four year graduation plan). Anyway, enough rambling!! I need to go read your new addition to the phallic story ;)

mechtild at 2005-07-15 18:02 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Ah yes

Bree, you can see what a dope I am - I didn't even notice your big fat swoony icon or title bar. I should be spanked silly. (Well, I am already pretty silly.)

~ Mechtild
elasg at 2005-07-15 12:23 (UTC) (Link)
Muhahahahah! I've been offline for a bit (working, unfortunately) and missed this. Saw it in the harem and had to reply. What about putting that link that was removed in your post up here?
mechtild at 2005-07-15 12:50 (UTC) (Link)
OK, doll face. You got it. It should be a new journal entry, though, I think. And, in that case, perhaps I should learn how to do an "LJ - cut". It's definitely not "work-safe" if the K-D mods cut even the link.

~ Mechtild
elasg at 2005-07-15 13:51 (UTC) (Link)
Oh, def. use a LJ-cut. I use them for most things anyway. Lets folks know if the post I am posting is going to be of interest to them or not.

*Awaits eagerly*
julchen11 at 2006-06-17 22:18 (UTC) (Link)
LOL! I never laughed that hard...
I wrote a little fairy tale for my niece's birthday, she wanted a story about a worm princess. I'm glad I found THIS site after I finished it.
Thank you dear, that post is worth to be added to my favourites.

mechtild at 2006-06-18 19:07 (UTC) (Link)
You wrote a story about a worm princess? Oh, you'll have to download these pictures. They were all from advertisements. Aren't they a scream? The designers of this product most have laughed themselves senseless.
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