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NF-Lee's 3/4 Frodo sketch

Frodo's autumns: poems by jan-u-wine with paintings by Millet and Carlsen.

Posted on 2011.10.09 at 09:00


jan_u_wine at 2011-10-12 01:38 (UTC) (Link)
dear Mariole, I hope you will forgive me for busting in on your convo here. But I just felt quite sad when I read this. And yet, I know these feelings very well. It's difficult to work at ordinary *stuff*, isn't it, when you've so much inside...Forcing yourself *to* the ordinary just....breaks something within, or puts a wall up between you and the joy that is inherent in creating things of beauty.

The only comfort that I know, at all, is in believing that creative gifts do not vanish...they are not *gone*, only taking a wee respite, and that time and circumstance will bring their return.

On the inside panel of my writing desk is a card that a lady from the Tolkien Society sent me. I look at it when I feel especially mojo-less. It says, "no matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow".

May it be so for you, Mariole. You are a maker and a pursuer of beauty. You have more to say and I have no doubt that you *will* say it.

(btw, my folks come from MN, my father from Dover (near Rochester) and my mom from Osakis. I still have some cousins there, as well. I have loved each and every one of my visits)
mariole at 2011-10-13 04:32 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much for your kind note! I do try to think that I'm just slogging through some kind of fallow time, and that eventually a fertile patch will follow. But it's tough being fallow.

> Forcing yourself *to* the ordinary just....breaks something within

Precisely. It's like I'm internally screaming, "Get me out of here!" each time I enter the building. Fighting that emotion down is deadly to all emotion, at least to me. I can't seem to separate creative me from working me. It's all me, and when I'm unhappy and frustrated, it creeps into my creative life.

I greatly appreciate your wonderful words about me being a creator. I haven't been one for almost a year (time of my last story posting). I sincerely hope I find the thread. I feel as if I'm getting stronger, so there's hope!

> I have loved each and every one of my visits

Me, too. Minnesota still feels like home to me. :)
jan_u_wine at 2011-10-13 14:46 (UTC) (Link)
Yes, it IS tough being fallow....but nature allows the fields to be fallow so that they can regenerate and come back to full and beautiful growth. I think it is so with us....the pot is *simmering*, whether we feel it or not. Every experience, every moment means something, gets thrown into the mix. Eventually, there will be a moment that 'tips' the balance and the flood-gates will open again.

You *are* a creator. Then and now. It's going on, inside you....just dimmed and damped-down by other *stuff*.

I feel for you and *with* you. Writing is not the same for me,either, these days. I had a golden summer and now it is all-but winter. But I think that keeping your hand in, no matter if you have the emotional pay-off or not, is key. You have the skill-set. It is the pleasure you are missing, I think. Like all else in life (where pleasure has dimmed or disappeared), it may reappear. It may not.

In the end, what remains is Gandalf's question to Frodo:

what will you do with the time given you?

Write, because it is the best part of yourself, with the hope that it will become, again, the joy it was in the past? Or not write, and let the fallow field die off entirely?

Write. Write. And when you are done........


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