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NF-Lee's Gildor and Frodo

Wonderbras for Men, Pt. I ~ Modern Strategies for the Codpiece Look....

Posted on 2007.03.31 at 17:53
Tags: , , ,

Note: A Very Silly Post, sure to offend some.

Rated "Mature" for talk of "packages", as well as images of racy men's underwear and fully-naked Iggy Pop, dimly lit but clear enough. Also, there are loads of images (sorry, dial-up friends). Almost all images in this post are links that can be clicked open for larger versions.


O
ver at
elijah_finds a couple of weeks ago, we were in a state of excited anticipation over Elijah Wood's upcoming portrayal of youthful Iggy Pop in The Passenger, having come across a lot of old video footage of Iggy performing and giving interviews in the 70's. At last, watching Iggy talking and performing, many of us began to feel that Elijah Wood could really do this and do it well.

There was much talk on the threads about how he might prepare for the role. Mr. Pop had (has) a much lower speaking and singing voice than Elijah Wood. They were about the same basic size, it turned out. I had got the impression from photos that Iggy Pop was as tall as an Elf. But he is not. He is short and slight. As one rockfan who had seen him in the seventies wrote, challenging a stated height on a website on rock stars:

Iggy Pop is 5' '7"? I saw him at an Otis Rush show years ago in NYC...he was a tiny little man (I'm 5' 9"), although he definitely had Presence.


This relieved me very much since, other than EW's eyes and luminous aura, the description that comes up most when fans write about meeting him in person is that he is "so tiny".

But aside from height, there was the difference in body types. Iggy's body, delineated, and lean as Gollum's, did not look much like the soft, barely post-adolescent body we'd seen peeps of in EW's various films. Iggy Pop performed his strenuous stage act shirtless. There'd be no Frodo shirts or pullovers to hide under. Well, a strict reducing diet and a personal trainer could help him there.

It was only inevitable and not merely prurient that the matter of "packages" would come up. Although I had known next to nothing about Iggy Pop and the Stooges before Elijah Wood was cast in the role, I now have read quite a bit.

Iggy had a renowned package. Not only was it discernible under his clothing--he wore tight jeans or contour-defining pants (like the gold satin ones shown in a clip from an Australian interview, singing I'm Bored)--with no underwear--his genitals had been bared to the sight of many, Iggy having exposed himself on a number of occasions on stage.

For those who weren't there to see "it" in person, at least one nude photograph taken by Gerard Malanga is still extant. A cropped version of it appeared on the cover of "Nude and Rude".


Young Iggy photographed by Gerard Malanga:

Iggy by Gerard Malanga


Apparently Iggy's "big, beautiful chopper" was quite famous. And, because Iggy is still alive and performing, with an active fan base, it remains famous.

What, if anything, I wondered, might the filmmakers do to assist EW in the package department? If an actress with normal or even full breasts were to portray
Dolly Parton, she would surely have to wear special push-up bras with extra padding, maybe even prosthetic breasts, in order to create the "Dolly Parton" look.

This is not to say Elijah Wood is not possessed of a bulge, but it is not of legendary proportions. A few shots make him look particularly blessed (see well-known exhibits below), but many do not. He seems "average" when all of his shots are taken together, some bulgy, others not.

I did not wonder, however, how an "Iggy package" might be achieved, since I had already happened upon a men's underwear site that pointed the way. No prosthetics would be necessary. It could be achieved solely through the ingenuity of modern men's underwear design.

~*~


It was Oscar week when I read a snippet that some [male] Oscar presenters would be wearing biodegradable underwear made of Tencel. What was that? I wondered. And what would it look like? Not one to pass up an opportunity to both procrastinate and satisfy idle curiosity, I began Googling. I did not at first find the Tencel underwear, but what I did find made my eyes pop out of my head.

"Good heavens!" I gasped. "Have all these models stimulated themselves into these states, or are they really this big? Are they wearing prosthetics? They must be bringing back the padded codpiece!"

But, no. Not codpieces. These underwear--briefs, bikinis, and thongs--all featured specially structured genital pouches, some with hidden support contraptions, all for the purpose of lifting and bringing forward a man's "package". The 16th century man had to wear an affair made of stuffed buckram to make his phallic show while strutting his stuff in the public square. The 21st century man can strut his own stuff. Carried high before him without padding or stiffened housing, the New Man wears a Wonderbra--but a Wonderbra for the genitals.

Therefore, Elijah Wood need have no fear to portray Iggy Pop, right down to the package.

How might Elijah Wood, Mr. Average Guy....



....be made to look like Iggy Pop, Mr. Trouser Snake?



There are a few options.

1. Option One: The contour pouch.

Even in my backwater city in the American upper Midwest, in the past years I have lingered in the men's underwear department, shopping for my husband ("just boxers, nothing fancy"), shyly ogling the pictures on the packages. Or the packages on the packages containing "new-style" briefs, which feature the tailored genital pouches. These pouches bring together the male parts that otherwise wander and dangle to little effect behind the slack fabrics of plain fly-front briefs or standard boxer shorts, unifying forces to present--front and center--a defined, well, package.

Although most American men seem to shy away from anything that has a hint of "showy" to it, I am guessing that more and more men are wearing these briefs. They seem practical and comfortable, offering the support of a jock strap, but the comfort of cloth between the body and trouser fabrics. But they also do make the genital area look more prominent. I eye crotches enough to have noticed, in the past few years, a more "up front" look to men's pants, in real life and as seen on celebrities. Perhaps pouch-style underwear has been a contributing factor.

Below I am going to post some men's underwear. First I will post the conventional stuff. I'll include the write-ups for all these products, since what the writers say says a lot, too. The basics emphasize the basics: comfort, value, and unobtrusiveness. The sexier stuff's copy emphasizes quality and comfort, too, but often is explicit about the man-enhancing nature of the cut.


Basic, unshowy men's underwear:

"The Calvin Klein Solid Poplin Boxer Short is made of soft, yet durable woven cotton. This classic boxer style is super comfortable, breaths well and has an open fly for practical use. The elastic waistband is covered with gathered self-fabric and a small Calvin Klein logo appears on the front. "

"Wax is the underwear brand that is favored by boarders, bikers, street artists and hipsters the world over. This Wax Mr. X Woven Boxer features an abstract print and is made from soft 100% cotton poplin which gets softer after each wash. The Wax Mr. X Woven Boxer combines an urban artist vibe with Wax's outlaw attitude."

"This Fruit of the Loom brief features a plush-backed waistband for unobtrusive all-day wear and it comes in a convenient 3-pack for stocking up. Strong seams on this Fruit of the Loom Basic Brief offer extra durability. An all-time classic, this Fruit of the Loom 3-Pack Basic Brief is an underwear essential for every man."

"This Fruit of the Loom boxer brief features a plush-backed waistband for unobtrusive all-day wear and it comes in a convenient 2-pack for stocking up. Strong seams on this Fruit of the Loom Basic White Boxer Brief offer extra durability."

"A knit boxer with a single-button closure that features a cloth-covered button. Flatlock stitching at the back of this Diesel short trunk lends a minimal profile so it sits flat under jeans. The Diesel Male Stretch Cotton New-Wilby Shorts Trunk has stretch fabrication and a paneled back for total freedom of movement."



Men's underwear featuring contoured pouches
:

"The 2xist Boxer Brief offers great support and the seamless back creates a smooth line. Perfect for everyday wear or during a workout, style meets function in this signature boxer brief by 2xist."

"The DKNY Classic Cotton Trunk, from the Classic DKNY men's underwear line, offers a classic trunk fit with modern design details. This DKNY brief features a contoured paneled pouch and a comfortable logo elastic waistband. The DKNY Classic Cotton Trunk is the new modern classic underwear staple, perfect for everyday wear. "

"Attention-grabbing look for today's fashion-forward man. Styled for fitted look that enhances profile by contouring and lifting "package". Backside includes dart and inverse U shape stitching under buttocks for lift and shaping."

"Higher cut leg holes for more pronounced pouch.... Low rise for today's low-rider fashions; styled for fitted look that enhances profile by contouring and lifting 'package'."


"...A modern take on the classic Calvin Klein boxer brief, made popular by Mark "Marky Mark" Wahlberg in the early Nineties. The Body Boxer Brief is made from 100% cotton and features a contour pouch that is bordered with distinctive trim. The flatlock seam on the pouch prevents chafing while the ribbed wide leg bands allow for movement and comfort without binding ... ergonomically shaped to hug the body, creating a sexy look and feel.



Here is thong-style contour pouch underwear that does some pretty impressive things, but my guess is the model already has a lot to work with. Also, the rather packed-together, narrowing-to-a-point shape would probably not simulate the no-underwear Iggy-look:

Ergo Thong with X3D pouch
Ergo Thong with X3D pouch ~ "...with X3D pouch for added comfort ... a special lift effect has been built in. Ergonomically designed. Very comfortable to wear - always looks great."



Below is underwear that is supposed to be conventional (no interior structures or pouch), but the man wearing them is either enormous, or he is wearing a suspension thong underneath (see below). I tend to think both are true: the model is large, but also wearing an underlying assist, considering the pronounced up-and-out cant of his genitals. False advertising, that's what I call it.

"The 2xist Boxer Brief offers great support and the seamless back creates a smooth line. Perfect for everyday wear or during a workout, style meets function in this signature boxer brief by 2xist."



But most men are not as *gifted* as the models wearing the briefs above. A contour pouch could only go so far. Besides, Iggy wore no underwear. Pouch-front briefs definitely convey a sense of underwear because of the way they gather everything together in one unified bulge.

A male posing strap would look naked under pants, but it wouldn't do anything for him. It doesn't do anything for the body builders who wear them, either:

Male Posing Strap



No. As long as Elijah's got something to work with, much could be done with undergarments that I will describe below.

He does have something to work with, as fans know from ogling his photographs, and that's just great for the Iggy-portrayer's purposes. I posted one of Elijah's "minimal package" shots above, to make a point, but there are many other shots that suggest he's got nothing to complain about.

Note that in the photos where he's lifting up his shirt to show his tattoo, he's wearing boxers, not anything special in terms of support or accentuation. The drooping waistband of his jeans would create some of the pouchy effect, but not all. The Mardis Gras picture makes him look a little silly, wearing a leotard and tights, but there's definitely something there, dressed up and to the right. The one at the RotK premiere is one of my favourites of him, pants or not. I call it his "King of Swing" shot, as if he might start snapping his fingers and burst into a Frank Sinatra song at any moment. The Hooligans lamp post shot has appeared in people's icons, as has the recent broody one from the Oxford Murders shoot.

Hooligans





2. Option Two: Underwear with a hidden lifting structure using genital slings, c-rings, and o-rings.

I think the costume designers for The Passenger would do better to have Elijah wear light briefs--or preferably a thong, since the seams of the briefs would show in tight Iggy-pants--which utilize a hidden support system.

These underwear give a much better impression of naked genitals since the enhancement comes from the lifting system under the thin fabric, rather than a closely-fitted and structured pouch.

Here is the the underwear that first made my eyes pop out of my head. These not only make the wearer look like his underwear is the "home of the Whopper", the copy cleary tells how the effect is made.

The first image shows the briefs, the second image is the explanatory diagram provided with the write-up.

"The C-IN2 Sling Support Lo No Show Profile Brief is one of the hottest sellers in men's underwear. It features innovative sling support technology designed to give you a bigger and better profile. This is achieved with an adjustable ½” elastic sling inside the pouch that forms a ring around your scrotum and penis which lifts them forward. (Simple instructions included.) Cut to accentuate the lower abdomen and bottom, this C-IN2 Lo No Show Brief is also perfect for wearing with low-rider jeans or trousers."





The c-ring system does virtually the same thing. An adjustable elastic loop fastened with a snap goes around the penis and scrotum at their base, the loop then lifted at the waist band. Some c-ring garments use a fitted pouch for additional shaping, but many of the thongs and bikins, some of which are shown below, have drapey, thin, or stretchy pouches, the ring system doing all the work to create the look.

Another method uses the o-ring, which sometimes looks the same as a c-ring, but often consists of an elastic panel with a ring-shaped opening through which the genitals are drawn and subsequently lifted up.

Below is the O-ring Suspension Thong, which comes in black and white and a few flesh-tones, which can be worn under underwear, swimsuits, and pants. This might be just the thing, since the wearer would appear to be completely naked under his clothes.

Men's Suspension Thong
..."Wear underneath clothing or swimwear. Cotton-lycra g-string style thong has an O-opening in front to bring you up and forward. Variety of colors, black or white."



Below is a selection of c-ring and o-ring thongs, g-strings and bikinis. As you will see, the wearers all appear quite naked in spite of the light clingy fabrics, except that their members are made to look astonishingly imposing and prominent.

As I said, it is "The Return of the Codpiece", but without the cod.


Image shows diagram of more unusual inner construction.

Lycra Thong with O-ring
"...in hot colors! Sexy men's o-ring type thong. The ring is put in place on the front, the front then covers all of the 'bait and tackle'."

'Wallaby Extreme Sexy Thong' - with C-ring
NDS Wear's very minimal coverage men's thong underwear or swimwear. Exotic thong. Now available in 4 Colors: White, Black, Red and Blue. This unique thong allows for a sexy fit both in front and back. Front pouch has a c-ring and slide thru loop, to bring everything forward, extremely fit and Hot."

'N-Larg Bikini' with O-ring
"...sexy men's microfiber men's bikini underwear or men's bikini swimwear. Has an elastisized c-ring in the front pouch liner that keeps him N-larger than life! O-ring type (circular elastic) pouch."

'Ultimate Bikini'
"NDS Wear men's ultimate bikini underwear. High sides, sexy pouch front men's underwear."

Microfiber thong with C-ring
"Very comfortable thong, microfibre thong, the fabric is oh so smooth! Sexy thong with c-ring. May be worn as swimwear or underwear (swimwear in some places!). Features snap ring to keep him out front."




Here are four c and o ring thongs that I find particularly amusing.

The first three are designated "Camo" wear. I suppose these are for men who haven't decided whether their ready to flaunt themselves and are trying to be more discreet. "Hey, isn't that Bob over there?" "I can't tell." "That's because he's wearing camo." ;)


Camo 'Commando Thong' with C-ring
Camo C-ring Backless Pouch
Camo String-G with C-ring


The fourth one, below, is made of artificial metal mesh. I thought it would do very well for the Rohirrim and Men of Gondor, going nicely with their mail.


'Metal Mesh Men's Thong' (with C-ring)




3. Option Three: The prosthetic enhancer.

When all else fails, there's always the good old "falsie". Women have been slipping little pillows and hankies and wads of batting down their bras for centuries. I suppose men should have access to something similar.


"A discreet, flexible-web insert that creates an impressive, realistic package enhancement in any swimsuit or underwear. It fits securely over the penis like a codpiece, giving a guy greater visual proportions without anyone ever knowing his secret. The large head and thick shaft will cling discernedly [sic] to most fabrics, even when wet. The bulge's flexible material allows it to move naturally, whether swimming or dancing and is so undetectable, it looks realistic even up close. Well suited for the pool bar or the locker room, The BigBoy gives a guy a dose of confidence where he needs it most. A natural for bodybuilders and sunbathers. The Bulge's polyvinyl mesh material is waterproof and machine washable, and keeps its form with extended use." [That’s nice to know.]


Now that I look at this, I think the model wearing those basic Fruit of the Loom briefs near the top might be wearing one. Maybe I should get out my magnifying glass?




Comedy underwear.


I had thought mariole's hilarious fic The Height and Length of Fashion pretty outrageous when I read it, but these underwear make me think she was not far off the mark in her fic's fashion statements.



Here's a c-ring thong that's actually made of mesh! "Oh," I thought, "here's one of the mesh ball-bags in The Height and Length of Fashion!"

'Fishnet Grabber Thong'

"The 'Fishnet Grabber Thong' has a C-ring to lift and bring forward and support. Iced Mesh Thong underwear, NEW STYLE of see-through fishnet. Very sexy men's underwear. Soft comfortable stretch large-mesh fabric..."




This one called to mind Pippin's ‘altogether’ in mariole's story, which featured not only a ball-bag, but a penile sleeve. Wasn't it even yellow?

'Yellow String Anatomical Tanga'



The following thong won first prize for humour. It's suitable for wearing to a fancy-dress ball. Just add a hat and a jester’s staff for accessories. Oh, and don’t forget the pointy-toed matching shoes (with bells on the ends).

What can I say? A picture's worth a thousand words:

Trunk-front G-string - red

"Red schlong g-string, Trunk front men's g-string, trunk thong, sleeve front men's underwear."



Edited to add another find:



Anatomically correct genital string pouch. Looking at this, worn by this slender, satin-smooth man, it occurs to me that a woman could wear one of these, stuffed, to *very* interesting effect. What a stir she'd make at the beach.)




~*~




Part II of Men’s Underwear Pt. II HERE.


~ Mechtild



Comments:


Ann
just_ann_now at 2007-04-01 00:02 (UTC) (Link)
HahahahahahahahahaHA! *gasps for breath* HahahahahaHA!

Have I told you lately that I love you?

artificial metal mesh. I thought it would do very well for the Rohirrim and Men of Gondor, going nicely with their mail.

Was that a test, to see I far I would read? I'm certainly proud to have passed!

Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 01:24 (UTC) (Link)
Oh, golly, Ann, I hoped you would see that metal-mesh thong. As soon as it came on screen during my browsing, I thought, "OH, ANN WILL LOVE THESE! THEY'RE HILARIOUS! THEODRED IN A METAL-LOOK MESH G-STRING! PERFECT!"
mews1945
mews1945 at 2007-04-01 00:06 (UTC) (Link)
Holy, cow, Mechtild, I had no idea such things existed, but it certainly is fascinating to read about them, and see the pictures with everything out there on display. I don't see that Iggy's got all that much more than Elijah, judging by the pictures that emphasize Elwood's assets.
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 01:27 (UTC) (Link)
Well, me neither. I knew the underwear with the explicit pouches existed, because they're sold in the men's departments along with the rest of the Calvin Klein/Ralph Lauren/& etc. lines of men's underwear. And, as you can see above, even Calvin Klein's boxer briefs are modelled and photographed to the swooning point.

The other stuff -- the shaping and lifting devices -- no, I didn't know they existed. Funnily enough, I had seen them worn on a beach in San Francisco ten years ago, but hadn't known what they were. I just thought the wearers had permanent semi-hard-ons.
Belleferret
belleferret at 2007-04-01 00:10 (UTC) (Link)
I am speechless. Also ded.
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 01:28 (UTC) (Link)
*waves c-ring thong in front of your face to revive you*
bellewood
bellewood at 2007-04-01 00:18 (UTC) (Link)
O... M... G... !!!!!!!!

This is fantastic!!! I REALLY enjoyed the show!!!
I personally don't think Elijah will need THAT much help as you know, but WHAT a range to choose from!! I loved the thongs...oh boy!
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 01:29 (UTC) (Link)
Well, I don't think he'll need "The Big Boy", but something might be helpful, if only to increase his confidence strutting around the stage in nothing but tight jeans and Iggy's stage libido.
julchen11
julchen11 at 2007-04-01 00:23 (UTC) (Link)
Holy Mother Mary! I had no glue about many of those underwear.
*stares*
*laughs*
*is dead*

Thank you, sweetheart. Did I tell you how much I love you?
*hugs you very tight*
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 01:30 (UTC) (Link)
I didn't know about them, either, Julchen - the c-ring, o-ring, sling stuff. Certainly not the ones that looked like Court Jester thongs. But I know now!
verangel
verangel at 2007-04-01 00:56 (UTC) (Link)
What can I say..OMF'ingG(sh)....I think Iggy is hung..or more like "slung". But he isn't HUGE..he is just so definitly there. Elijah..well don't know. They are close in stature but the attitude has to be DICK..that was Iggy. Mark Walberg did it, and showed it in Boogynights. Real or fake, it has to be in the attitude...and THAT is what we will be dying to see. Elijah with BIG attitude.
He'll do it too. But it will be one of his farthest stretches ever (stretches...funny I used that word).

xo I have to save this post for all the undies. Never knew all these existed!
v
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 01:37 (UTC) (Link)
Verangel, amen to what you said. (Yes, Mark Walberg was excellent in Boogie Nights; I'd watch it again if it wasn't so violent.) None of this package stuff matters if he gets the attitude. I'm thinking the "costume" might help. It helps a shy actress to wear a slinky costume she'd never wear to play the part, if she's supposed to be an exotic dancer. She'd never do it in her cotton waisties and a sensible bra.

Wearing hot underwear, knowing he looked more "hung" and "out there", might give an EW the actor extra confidence playing a person who was super comfortable on stage as projecting sexuality, veritably celebrating the fact that he had and could use a dick.

But, yes, it's the stuff on the *inside* that will fire him up to be able to do this performance. You are right on target.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand
(Deleted comment)
blink back to let me know
bunniewabbit at 2007-04-01 01:02 (UTC) (Link)
Dude. I am so naive, I didn't even know that they made "profile-enhancing" underwear! *sporfle* I guess if women can have push-up bras...
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 01:44 (UTC) (Link)
That's what I figured, Bunnie. It's the same deal, only now men have the opportunity--or obligation--to enhance their natural endowments.

But thinking about it, men have the advantage over women when it comes to wearing clothing cheats. If they attract some man or woman with their artificially-enhanced package, once they are aroused, their lover will never know once the garment is off, since erect members are so much bigger than flaccid ones. But a woman who takes off her padded, uplifting bra will look considerably different once it is removed.

But maybe it comes out the same. A man who gets all excited over a woman's cleavage as it appears in her Wonderbra is excited, perdiod. If it gets to the point that her bra comes off, he will be past caring about the size and oomph of her breasts, lol.
verangel
verangel at 2007-04-01 01:56 (UTC) (Link)
Trouser Snake? snorts.(my icon is confused)
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 02:41 (UTC) (Link)
I can't remember where I heard that euphemism. In a film, I think. I thought it was hilarious but vivid.
Notabluemaia
notabluemaia at 2007-04-01 02:17 (UTC) (Link)
Hee! I snorted and ogled - what a fun combination!

Thanks, Mechtild. Your posts are always interesting and it's extra fun to see your detailed research and articulate erudition applied to this most amusing topic!

*scrolls and ogles again*

*giggles*

(I have wondered if we're seeing Elijah already beginning to get in shape - he seems quite lean, and who knows what his musculature is beneath all the layers he prefers? Nice research re his natural endowments, too!)
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 02:43 (UTC) (Link)
Well, this was definitely fun to research but almost overwhelming to keep organized in terms of all the images and notes to go with them. I almost decided to throw the whole thing out.

Yes, he is looking thin. If he isn't working out, too--knowing he's going to play this sinewy person--I'd be very surprised. As for researching EW's endowments, I didn't have to look far. They're in half the icons on LJ sites. ;)
frolijah_fan_54
frolijah_fan_54 at 2007-04-01 02:32 (UTC) (Link)
WOW - just WOW.

Now that I have aced Male Support 101, professor, you can email me my accreditation certificate. Now excuse me while I go take a VERY COLD shower. LOL

That is just fabulous - what an education this has been!! I had no idea there were so many choices. I like to think Elijah won't need that much help - but can't wait to see!! And don't mind embarressed Elijah - he'll get over it.
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 02:46 (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad you enjoyed it, Frolijah Fan. I meant it to be entertaining as well as informative.

As Verangel said, the challenge for EW won't be what's is or isn't in his trousers but in his head. But dressing for a role never hurt any actor. :)
Jo Ann
yeuxdebleu at 2007-04-01 02:32 (UTC) (Link)
OMG! What a post! What comments! This is really a hoot. Those last two pics absolutely cracked me up. Like bunniewabbit, I never knew such things existed.

I came across a very, uhmm, odd site a while back and I've gone through my entire "Favorites" list to see if I saved it. I don't think I did, but maybe I can find it again. It is a site that sells contraptions to hold everything up and tight against the body. I think the Polish cycling team must have been wearing them in this photo. I don't want to stretch the thread, so I'll just post the URL.

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y109/magicdancer/Other%20Celebrities/apolandcycling.jpg

I guess it would make sense if you're going to sit on a skinny bicycle seat.

This is another curious site.

http://www.bulgeresearchinstitute.com/

I'm hoping more than ever now that The Passenger gets filmed because I can't wait to see what they do to Elijah.

*imagination runs wild*
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 02:57 (UTC) (Link)
Yeuxdebleu, I just LOVE that shot of the bicyclists in the red shorts you linked. Talk about exposed! I'll post a smaller one here, so that it [they] can be seen.

Red shorts bicyclists

It looks to me like they're not wearing any underwear at all. Bike shorts are so snug and tight, I think they've just reached inside and pulled everything up and out of harm's way, like in a dance belt.

I opened the other link, too, for the "Bulge Research Institute". I've never seen it! I simply must browse it.
ladysnaps
ladysnaps at 2007-04-01 03:47 (UTC) (Link)
ok. now i'm going back to actually read this. :P
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 13:21 (UTC) (Link)
Have fun, Ladysnaps!
aredhelebenesse
aredhelebenesse at 2007-04-01 09:11 (UTC) (Link)
Good heavens, there are some really ridiculous creations to see. The two last pics remind me of the condms which were used in the late 18th century. LMAO!!! I guess that's rather something the men would like to see or to be surprised with. Why don't they just use handkerchiefs or their bunch of keys as a replacement/prosthesis, like everyone does?
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 13:25 (UTC) (Link)
18th century condoms? What do you know about them, Aredhelebenesse, seriously? I'd love to learn more. I've assumed people must have tried using something. Some expensive condoms are called "lambskin", which makes me wonder if they tied of sheep or pig intestine. What have you read or heard?

Why don't they just use handkerchiefs or their bunch of keys as a replacement/prosthesis, like everyone does?

Mae West said they used bananas or guns. I hear a pet ferret down one's pants makes an eye-catching prosthesis.
[will fuck for sex]
anatsuno at 2007-04-01 09:52 (UTC) (Link)
astounding research! this is fascinating, thank you. :)
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 13:26 (UTC) (Link)
Should I *extend* it to a dissertation? ;)
Estelanui - Francesca
estelanui at 2007-04-01 12:21 (UTC) (Link)
At present I'm leaving for a work trip, but I plan to study soon your close and qualified research on packaging. :)
*click saves*
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 13:31 (UTC) (Link)
Well, the document will still be here when you get back. :)
wendylady1
wendylady1 at 2007-04-01 12:48 (UTC) (Link)
Mech,
This is HILARIOUS !!!...How did you contain yourself researching all these pics ???

You just have to wonder how many men actually wear some of these contraptions...I had no idea, and I work in a store that sells mens designer underwear !!

Elijah would have to really act this, wouldn't he ?!! Although some shape-enhancing underwear would help, even though I don't think Elijah is particularly lacking at all, but I think that Verangel is exactly right, it's all in the attitude, and how you project your own self-image across to the audience...if Iggy acts like he has a huge cock, then everyone will really believe that he has, even if he really hasn't...and Elijah will have to do the same !!
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 13:39 (UTC) (Link)
Verangel is exactly right, it's all in the attitude, and how you project your own self-image across to the audience...if Iggy acts like he has a huge cock, then everyone will really believe that he has, even if he really hasn't...and Elijah will have to do the same !!

Exactly so. Having genitals the size of many featured in "Bulge Research" (see yeuxdebleu's link for an eye-opener; they make Iggy look pre-pubescent) does not guarrantee that their owners will have the "balls" to actually strut them around.

Same with women. It little matters how big a woman's breasts are. It's how she "wears" them that matters. I have big ones but am embarrassed by their size, masking them with over-sized loose tops and wearing minimizer bras. Other women, not particularly big, come across as very sexy, wearing revealing tops, revelling in racy bras: basically "strutting their stuff". Who comes across as the woman happy and proud to be a woman with womanly equipment? The one who has the attitude.
bagma
bagma at 2007-04-01 13:11 (UTC) (Link)
What a fascinating post! I admire the thoroughness of you research and I am looking forward to the second part.

I can't help wondering if those contraptions are really useful, though; I am afraid I'd die laughing if when taking his pants off my lover revealed something resembling the last item, and that would definitely spoil the mood.

BTW, I had difficulty in picturing Pippin's Altogether, so thank you for providing such a clarifying picture!:)
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 13:46 (UTC) (Link)
I am afraid I'd die laughing if when taking his pants off my lover revealed something resembling the last item, and that would definitely spoil the mood.

I am guessing that the last one was designed to be both sexy and amusing. Like wearing a G-string with a pussycat on it if you're a woman. It's a joke, but it's also supposed to be titillating.

As for Pippin's Altogether, the genital part of it, I think that although it had the requisite separate [mesh] ballbag, the penis tube was open on the end, not closed, for access. As I recall, it could be rolled down, rather like a fabric foreskin.

As for the wearing of c-ring or o-ring bikinis and thongs, I have seen them worn on a beach in San Francisco. It was right near our house and I took our daughter there every week to climb the rocks at the ends. The ends were frequented mostly by gay men, some of whom wore plain bikinis and thongs (or nothing), but I saw at least a couple walking who had to be wearing these. The profile is not like that of a flaccid penis. I wondered how they could be walking around semi-aroused for hours. Nothing in real life could make a penis sit at that angle except what the c-rings mean to simulate: a pair of huge, plump testicals that keep the penis elevated.
Whiteling
whiteling at 2007-04-01 16:47 (UTC) (Link)
ROTFL! I just *love* it when your inquiring mind deals with topics like that, Mechtild! Ah, the pleasures of thorough investigation! :-P

As much as I'd love Elijah doing a role that requires period costumes - I am more than GLAD that the Iggy film doesn't fall in that category (an era not *so* far back, that is). Why? Because of this:

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

(European Men's underwear about 1300) o__O
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 17:42 (UTC) (Link)
Ah, the pleasures of thorough investigation!

I'll say. I would have investigated even more fully if the models were actually present. I would love to ask them how it feels to wear such things, whether they're comfortable, make them feel more manly and sexy, etc. I'd even like to heft them. Not just pruriently, really, but just to see -- what they feel like, you know -- stuffed into these various sorts of cups and tubes.

That's a great picture, Whiteling. I am doing a "historical men's underwear" post today and this is an even better replica of braies and split hosen than I have set to post. (You'll find the men's underwear of the 15th century much improved.)
Estë   (or ST for short)
este_tangletoes at 2007-04-01 16:53 (UTC) (Link)

‘Nobody loves you when you are down and out’

Ooohhh! Mechling!

This LJ-entry is so hilarious – it got me out of my down-and-out mood :D I must get back to Mariole's fic The Height and Length of Fashion. I am two thirds of the way through it but never seem to have much reading time these days.

I have actually seen a pair of Ergo Thong with X3D pouch - Well this is Sweden you know – and they had printed on them ‘Nobody loves you when you are down and out’ (I’ll end there *grin*)

Thank you so much for cheering me up, I needed that.

I’m already looking forward to the next part.

Btw I have been perusing your LJ-layout – Is it me and my naughty fantasy, or was it your intention to have all that erotically-suggestive fruit just dangling there, waiting to be fondled and plucked?

--Estë the naughty (but happy) lass

Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 17:57 (UTC) (Link)

Re: ‘Nobody loves you when you are down and out’

I hadn't thought of it, Este, but you're right. The print is full of fruits amid the oranges symbolic of sex organs; plump, ovoid testicles and pouting, succulent vulvas.

I will talk about the "fruit" notion in the next post, since after thinking about the various styles of male genital display, they really do suggest different aspects of maleness, apart from explicit sexuality (imo).

I'm glad you are perked up! I thing The Height and Length of Fashion has some hysterical, droll sections. I can't say I care for any of the sex scenes, even for laughs, since they portray characters I care for in ways I find unappealing (too graphic to be funny, and too little like love-making to be erotic), but all the farcical stuff about manners and fashion and the subsequent preening and/or embarrassment cracked me up.
Taro
mother2012 at 2007-04-01 17:42 (UTC) (Link)
I can see that you have kept your nose to the grindstone, doing all of this important research.

This subject is the reason that I far prefer men to wear 'tighty whities' rather than boxers. When my son was about 15 or 16 he started asking why he couldn't get any girls. My husband gave him some pointers, which he followed. My advice was; if you like girls with bras, wear briefs. Letting it all hang loose is the same in either sex. He opted for briefs. (Incidentlly, he subsequently acquired far too many girls.)

(And I think most guys who do the boxers wear those very low hanging crotches to imply that they need all that fabric to house their 'stuff'. But I digress.)

I do think Elijah's penchant for boxers and generally not-so-tight pants is why he doesn't 'stand out'.

On the other side of the equation, frankly Iggy doesn't look all that well-endowed to me, at least un-erect. Maybe I've simply had the misfortune to always be with oversized men, but most of them have been larger than that.

Which doesn't change the intent of all your hard work: It certainly would be advantageous for Elijah to 'measure up' to *expectations* - even if the expectations have become exaggerated.
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 18:17 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks for the full comment, Mother. I appreciate it.

You have been fortunate in the men in your life! None of mine have approximated an Iggy, that is *certain*. At least, not flaccid. What Iggy might have looked like erect I have no idea.

One of the things that these underwear I researched do that make the genitals look more like an imposing "package" is provide lift. This simulates the presence of very large testicles, upon which the shaft of the penis would rest, making it more prominent (this will all go into today's post, so don't be surprised if it seems redundant). The picture above of Iggy nude is too shadowy to see what he had in the way of testicles, but the hang of the penis in the photo--straight down along the inner thigh--implies that they were no more than average. That could be the result of his stance, too. But looking at Yeuxdebleu's "Bulge" link (in a comment above), it was immediately clear to me that large testicles do a *great* deal to make any unerect penis look bigger, creating a platform for it. That's the way the c-ring and etc. work, too.

My Mr. Average (maybe less than average, from what you have said) does love his boxers and refuses to wear briefs because he "doesn't feel free". I can see that that would be so, since he also doesn't wear jeans with tight legs. Here, the fashion for low-slung giant-sized boxers is still going strong among youth, but maybe they prefer to hide what they have--and its condiditon--more than they want to draw attention to it. Once they begin seriously trying to find sex partners, well, then it may strike them that accentuating what they have is the way to go. ;)
melyanna_65
melyanna_65 at 2007-04-01 19:50 (UTC) (Link)
Oh my, this is a great post, so illuminating, really!

Honestly, maybe I'm a bit naive, but I never thought there were so many tricks about men's underwear.

Anyway I think that Elijah is already well equipped so probably he won't need any of those. And more, we've always seen him wearing very casual clothes or proper outfits for premieres, so we don't know how exactly he may look in very tight leather pants.

*holds breath and keeps fingers crossed*
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-01 20:24 (UTC) (Link)
Yes, there are a lot of tricks, apparently. But I doubt that many men know about them or would use them if they knew. Well, American ones wouldn't. As you probably know, while European and Latin American men were wearing Speedos or other bikinis at the beach, American men--unless they are gay--have tended to stick with baggy swim trunks and underwear along the same lines.

I am guessing American men are largely conservative about underwear, too. It would be an admission of inadequacy to wear a specifically genital-enhancing garment, even if they really would like to look bigger. For the regular contour pouch briefs I posted towards the top, even if the cover model looked like an ad for Viagra, the copy usually concentrated on the pouch offering good "support" or "comfort", not at all mentioning that the design clearly created a more pronounced "package". The man buying them would feel reassured, thinking that not even the underwear company would know he was purchasing them so he could look like the bulging model on the front.
chicoriumeyes
chicoriumeyes at 2007-04-02 17:28 (UTC) (Link)
*applauds loudly* A very memorable post, sure to be added to many favourites. As a long time closet investigator of Elijah's underwear (remember the backlit sheep boxers?), I can say you have done a marvelous job!

As someone who washes a lot of those newer pouched boxers, briefs, and thongs, let me add that many men are encouraged by doctors to wear such underwear (well, maybe not the thongs) for medicinal reasons...
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-02 23:25 (UTC) (Link)
No! I don't remember the backlit sheep boxers. What are they???? Please send a link, hint, directional or what have you.

So, folks in your family are wearing the stuff? Splendid! -- all for medicinal reasons, of course.
lyrastar77
lyrastar77 at 2007-04-03 17:07 (UTC) (Link)
OMG mechtild!!
Well, it must've been a difficult job doing all that research, but *someone* had to do it, right? ;-D

I really wasn't sufficiently well-up on men's underwear ... until now. It's almost unbelievable what you can buy these days. I thought the mesh one with the comment about the Rohirrim was hilarious, btw!

Thanks so much -- I'm sure I'll be going through this again soon & laughing just as much the second time around!

~Lyra
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-03 22:03 (UTC) (Link)
I loved the mesh Rohirrim underwear, too. Thanks for reading and commenting!

I posted Part II late last night; there's a link to it at the bottom of the page. I won't be posting a notice about it at Elijah_finds since it's not really about Elijah Wood at all.
frodosweetstuff
frodosweetstuff at 2007-04-12 13:11 (UTC) (Link)
Wow! That was one of the best posts I've seen in a long time on my flist. So VERY informative!!!

*drools discreetly and can't wait for that film to be made*
Mechtild
mechtild at 2007-04-12 21:19 (UTC) (Link)
Why, thank you very much, Frodosweetstuff! You may enjoy part 2, too, although it's more about men's underwear, the aesthetics of The Bulge, and less about Iggy or EW.
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